speaking of emotional vulnerability
Sep. 19th, 2012 12:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mindcrack_loveIt is probably really stalkerish and creepy that I saved this link before it was removed from the Reddit, but I did.
Something I usually don't share with fandom - with most people outside of my family and partner, really - is my take on faith. Because I *am* religious - Catholic and a rebel, really, a believer in God, in Jesus, in Catholic sacrament, in organized religion as a whole, without agreeing with every single thing coming out of the Vatican - and that tends to be an unpopular opinion in fandom, in the geeky part of the Internet, and even in mathematics and science itself.
When I was in college, I was a part of the Catholic ministry. It was tiny - as you'd expect of a small school, as you'd expect of a school full of scientists and engineers, as you'd expect of a Catholic ministry in a largely Protestant part of the country - but it was wonderful, tight knit, and deeply emotional. I was a cantor pretty much my entire college career - about five years, including graduate school - up on stage every Sunday evening, leading this miniscule congregation to worship through song. (I'm only about half as talented as Bdubs, though, if that.)
And those experiences - every Sunday evening, as the sun set through the windows of our tiny chapel - were some of the most earth shaking and moving ones of my life. Any creative enterprise is emotional at its core, including making music; and worship is all about that emotion, where you focus it, what God and the universe is calling you to do, to create, to teach. Worship challenges people to become better, to become stronger, to break down the walls between them and the awesomeness they can be. I've cried - outright sobbed - during Mass before, completely overwhelmed with emotion; with what I have done wrong of my own fault, yes, but also of all the possibilities ahead and all the ways to improve as a human being laid before me. And Catholics are usually very stoic compared to most Christians, least likely to show the emotions that God is sweeping through them...and still, I wept, like a child.
So watching one of my LPer idols, someone strong and brave and full of conviction, sing to worship God in front of others - it was an inspiring moment, and a moving one, and one with which I could fully empathize.
Something I usually don't share with fandom - with most people outside of my family and partner, really - is my take on faith. Because I *am* religious - Catholic and a rebel, really, a believer in God, in Jesus, in Catholic sacrament, in organized religion as a whole, without agreeing with every single thing coming out of the Vatican - and that tends to be an unpopular opinion in fandom, in the geeky part of the Internet, and even in mathematics and science itself.
When I was in college, I was a part of the Catholic ministry. It was tiny - as you'd expect of a small school, as you'd expect of a school full of scientists and engineers, as you'd expect of a Catholic ministry in a largely Protestant part of the country - but it was wonderful, tight knit, and deeply emotional. I was a cantor pretty much my entire college career - about five years, including graduate school - up on stage every Sunday evening, leading this miniscule congregation to worship through song. (I'm only about half as talented as Bdubs, though, if that.)
And those experiences - every Sunday evening, as the sun set through the windows of our tiny chapel - were some of the most earth shaking and moving ones of my life. Any creative enterprise is emotional at its core, including making music; and worship is all about that emotion, where you focus it, what God and the universe is calling you to do, to create, to teach. Worship challenges people to become better, to become stronger, to break down the walls between them and the awesomeness they can be. I've cried - outright sobbed - during Mass before, completely overwhelmed with emotion; with what I have done wrong of my own fault, yes, but also of all the possibilities ahead and all the ways to improve as a human being laid before me. And Catholics are usually very stoic compared to most Christians, least likely to show the emotions that God is sweeping through them...and still, I wept, like a child.
So watching one of my LPer idols, someone strong and brave and full of conviction, sing to worship God in front of others - it was an inspiring moment, and a moving one, and one with which I could fully empathize.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 05:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 05:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 05:51 am (UTC)Since it rarely comes up within the context of Minecraft, it's probably a moot point, but do you think you'd try translating any of that into your fic? As far as I know it doesn't affect their friendship (which is pretty awesome), so it might not matter at all in fic, but it could be interesting somehow. Edit to add: Since Pakratt is so openly born-against Christian, I guess some level of religion must exist in MindCrack, for what it's worth...
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 06:09 am (UTC)As for the fic, I can see it impacting things but not directly. Jason thinks part of the reason John rejected his romantic advances is due to John's religious nature, but whether or not that's true is another matter entirely.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 06:12 am (UTC)Then again, if they don't have an open relationship in your story that is all moot.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 06:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 06:25 am (UTC)Totally get having them in a closed relationship, too. It's a lot less messy, that's for sure.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-19 12:22 pm (UTC)Part of the reason I asked about openness and polyamory is going to be embedded in "To Hear the Words", though. Certainly there's Mr. PolyUnpoly and his exercise-in-contrast boyfriends, figuring out their situation as they go along. But also, well, to take it back to the "real world" of "To Hear the Words": Jason and John are each in their own closed heterosexual relationships with their respective wives. Jason is starting to realize that he wants John in his life in a more-than-best-friends way, which is scary and weird enough, and when he tries to tell John about this in a roundabout way he kind of gets rejected. And now he's presented with a choice: go back to the old world, with the wife and daughter he loves but also all the complications and stress and pain of the situation with John and Youtube in general, or live in this arguably simpler world with Bdubs with nothing else in the way but sacrifice the life he has now.
But to really capture that - and the final solution I kind of want, though who knows if the characters will let it happen - I need to figure out how in Jason's head John would be anything other than "the best friend I play games and drink with and bond with in this amazing way" while still holding on to "the wife I chose to spend my life with who helps me raise this beautiful little girl". And hopefully learning to empathize with polyamory will help with that.